Florida Senate Votes to Ban Bull Testicles on Trailers

The Florida Senate has voted to make it illegal to attach fake bull testicles to trailer hitches.
The bill was sponsored by Sen. Cary Baker, R-Eustis, and imposes a $60 fine on motorists who attach artificial "reproductive glands" to their vehicles. Baker said the bill is aimed at fake bull testicles, which are popular in northern Florida, but it doesn't specify bulls so that motorists can't claim their fake testicles represent a different animal.
Sen. Jim King, R-Jacksonville, opposed the bill. He said fake bull testicles are "an expression of truckliness," and noted that he used to display a pair on his own "all pimped out" vehicle until his wife made him remove them.
King also warned that the state would now have to hire "bumper police."
The Senate attached the ban to a larger transportation measure, but it will have to be reconciled with a House version that doesn't include the anti-testicle clause.

Unemployment Benefits Conditioned on Reincarnation

The Dutch government has begun requiring people who receive unemployment benefits to undergo "reincarnation therapy," in which they are hypnotized and regress into past lives to discover why they have trouble finding a job.
So far, some 42,000 jobless people have signed up for government-sponsored spiritual therapy. Not all the courses involve reincarnation; some are based on astrology or tarot card readings. Participants are remibursed up to $8,000 each by the government.
However, Piet Hein Donner, the Dutch social affairs minister, is facing increasing questions from legislators about the effectiveness of the program in solving the unemployment problem.

Scientists File Lawsuit to Stop Black Hole From Destroying Earth

A group of scientists has filed a lawsuit to prevent the development of a particle accelerator in Switzerland they say could create a black hole that would destroy the planet.
The scientists sued the European Center for Nuclear Research to block the $8 billion advanced physics research facility.
In a lawsuit filed in Honolulu, they claim the accelerator could not only create a black hole that would eat the Earth, but could also emit a "strangelet" that would convert the planet to a shrunken dense dead lump of quasi-matter.
The lawsuit also complains that the Center failed to file an environmental impact statement.
A spokesman for the Center said the lawsuit was flawed because the organization isn’t subject to jurisdiction in Hawaii.

Police Apologize for Making Officer Take Debutante Class

Police officials in San Bernardino, Calif. say they made a mistake when they required officer Jessica Lopez to enroll in an "etiquette" class where she was instructed to wear lipstick and expensive jewelry, ask permission before joining a conversation, and "walk like a princess."
The training "had nothing to do with my position as a police officer," Lopez complained.
Lopez's boss, Donald F. Averill, said the mix-up occurred beacuse a police lieutenant "failed to properly research the kinds of services provided by" the training company. The lieutenant is no longer with the force, Averill noted.

Entire Film Crew Arrested for Shooting Porn Movie in McDonald's

An entire film crew – producer, actors, cameramen, etc. – was arrested while shooting a porn film in a Japanese McDonald's at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Wednesday.
The highly trained McDonald's staff apparently did not notice the movie crew or the live sexual acts in the fast-food restaurant, but a customer observed the group and called the police.
One member of the film crew explained, "We didn't think it would be a problem as long as nobody noticed what we were doing."
It was not clear why the producer chose McDonald's as the site for an on-location adult-movie shoot.

'Butt Artist' Gets $65,000 Settlement

A Virginia schoolteacher who was fired because he makes artwork in his spare time by smearing his buttocks and genitals with paint and rubbing them against a canvas has reached a $65,000 settlement with the school district.
Stephen Murmer, who sells the paintings for up to $4,800 each, was dismissed in 2007 after school officials discovered a YouTube video of him demonstrating his technique while wearing a black thong and a Groucho Marx mask.

Man Found in Fishnet Stockings in Woman’s Closet Claims It Was All Just a Big Misunderstanding

A man who was arrested after he entered a woman's apartment and hid in her closet while wearing a negligee, a miniskirt, crotchless fishnet stockings and a wig and carrying a meth pipe and a sexual lubricant has been found not guilty after he convinced a jury that it was all just a big misunderstanding.
Eric Kincaid, 29 (pictured at right), told the jury that a woman he barely knew invited him to have sex with her, and gave him the wrong address because she was staying with friends she didn't know well. Kincaid, who claims he frequently has sex with people he doesn't know, says he innocently entered the wrong apartment while dressed in a way he thought was sexually attractive.
Then, Kincaid explained, he hid in the closet because he was high on methamphetamine and felt like demons were watching him. It was all "a complete accident," his lawyer added, although he conceded that "it's not a case you see every day."
An Oregon jury believed Kincaid's story and found him not guilty of burglary, attempted sexual abuse and invasion of privacy.

Husband and Wife Arrested at Renewal of Wedding Vows

A married couple and their 21-year-old daughter were all arrested at a ceremony to renew the couple's wedding vows in Port Chester, N.Y.
The bride apparently went berserk during an argument with a band at the reception and caused more than $1,500 worth of damage to lights, speakers and conga drums. She was still wearing a wedding gown when she was booked at the police station on felony charges of criminal mischief.
When the groom and daughter tried to stop the police from handcuffing the bride, police subdued them with a stun gun and then arrested them for interference with law enforcement.

Long Island Judge Issues Restraining Order to Duck

A Long Island judge has issued a restraining order in favor of a duck, requiring Ylik Mathews, 21, to stay away from the aquatic creature.
Judge John Iliou issued the order in favor of "Circles," a duck who resides in Mastic, N.Y. (pictured at left), after Mathews allegedly jumped a backyard fence, charged at the animal and threatened it with a pellet gun.
This is the second time a restraining order has been issued in favor of an animal since former New York Governor George Pataki signed legislation in 2006 authorizing such measures. A judge in Queens issued the first order in favor of a 5-year-old bichon frise who was reportedly involved in a domestic dispute.

Woman Gets $300,000 After Being Hit by Truck Driven by Police Dog

A woman in Ogden, Utah has reached a $300,000 settlement after she was hit by a truck driven by a police dog named Ranger.
The German Shepherd was lying in the bed of the police pickup, but managed to enter the cab and shift the automatic transmission, then pilot the vehicle into Mary Frances Stone, 43, who was getting her mail.
City Attorney Gary Williams called the incident "not foreseeable."
Stone said the money was inadequate. "If my car had hit a cop, I would be in jail," she noted.

Anti-Crime Center Stolen

A youth center intended to combat crime by juvenile delinquents has been stolen...apparently by juvenile delinquents.
The prepacked building was delivered in boxes to the Austrian village of Traismauer, but the boxes were taken before they could be unpacked.
The youth center was designed to offer activities to local young people to keep them away from crime. However, police fear that these same young people preempted the village's plans by stealing the entire building.

Lingerie Thief Jailed Despite ‘Magical Futuristic Elf’ Defense

A university lab technician who robbed a lingerie store was sentenced to two years in jail after a jury rejected his claim that he had committed the theft under the mistaken impression that he was a magical female elf from the future named Buho.
Robert Boyd, 45, stole two sets of bras, panties and stockings and garter belts from the high-end Orchid lingerie shop while dressed in a blonde Harpo Marx wig, glasses and a beanie hat. He claimed that he had been unable to tell the difference between real life and a fantasy role-playing game in which he had been involved.
But a jury voted 10-2 that Boyd knew exactly what he was doing, and a judge sentenced him despite his defense lawyer’s pleas that he had already suffered enough through public ridicule.