Uncommon Law

Florida Senate Votes to Ban Bull Testicles on Trailers

2008-04-25T13:37:00.000-04:00

The Florida Senate has voted to make it illegal to attach fake bull testicles to trailer hitches.
The bill was sponsored by Sen. Cary Baker, R-Eustis, and imposes a $60 fine on motorists who attach artificial "reproductive glands" to their vehicles. Baker said the bill is aimed at fake bull testicles, which are popular in northern Florida, but it doesn't specify bulls so that motorists can't claim their fake testicles represent a different animal.
Sen. Jim King, R-Jacksonville, opposed the bill. He said fake bull testicles are "an expression of truckliness," and noted that he used to display a pair on his own "all pimped out" vehicle until his wife made him remove them.
King also warned that the state would now have to hire "bumper police."
The Senate attached the ban to a larger transportation measure, but it will have to be reconciled with a House version that doesn't include the anti-testicle clause.

Unemployment Benefits Conditioned on Reincarnation

2008-04-18T12:54:00.002-04:00

The Dutch government has begun requiring people who receive unemployment benefits to undergo "reincarnation therapy," in which they are hypnotized and regress into past lives to discover why they have trouble finding a job.
So far, some 42,000 jobless people have signed up for government-sponsored spiritual therapy. Not all the courses involve reincarnation; some are based on astrology or tarot card readings. Participants are remibursed up to $8,000 each by the government.
However, Piet Hein Donner, the Dutch social affairs minister, is facing increasing questions from legislators about the effectiveness of the program in solving the unemployment problem.

Scientists File Lawsuit to Stop Black Hole From Destroying Earth

2008-04-15T12:55:00.004-04:00

A group of scientists has filed a lawsuit to prevent the development of a particle accelerator in Switzerland they say could create a black hole that would destroy the planet.
The scientists sued the European Center for Nuclear Research to block the $8 billion advanced physics research facility.
In a lawsuit filed in Honolulu, they claim the accelerator could not only create a black hole that would eat the Earth, but could also emit a "strangelet" that would convert the planet to a shrunken dense dead lump of quasi-matter.
The lawsuit also complains that the Center failed to file an environmental impact statement.
A spokesman for the Center said the lawsuit was flawed because the organization isn’t subject to jurisdiction in Hawaii.

Police Apologize for Making Officer Take Debutante Class

2008-04-13T16:04:00.004-04:00

Police officials in San Bernardino, Calif. say they made a mistake when they required officer Jessica Lopez to enroll in an "etiquette" class where she was instructed to wear lipstick and expensive jewelry, ask permission before joining a conversation, and "walk like a princess."
The training "had nothing to do with my position as a police officer," Lopez complained.
Lopez's boss, Donald F. Averill, said the mix-up occurred beacuse a police lieutenant "failed to properly research the kinds of services provided by" the training company. The lieutenant is no longer with the force, Averill noted.

Entire Film Crew Arrested for Shooting Porn Movie in McDonald's

2008-04-10T17:15:00.001-04:00

An entire film crew – producer, actors, cameramen, etc. – was arrested while shooting a porn film in a Japanese McDonald's at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Wednesday.
The highly trained McDonald's staff apparently did not notice the movie crew or the live sexual acts in the fast-food restaurant, but a customer observed the group and called the police.
One member of the film crew explained, "We didn't think it would be a problem as long as nobody noticed what we were doing."
It was not clear why the producer chose McDonald's as the site for an on-location adult-movie shoot.

'Butt Artist' Gets $65,000 Settlement

2008-04-10T13:23:00.003-04:00

A Virginia schoolteacher who was fired because he makes artwork in his spare time by smearing his buttocks and genitals with paint and rubbing them against a canvas has reached a $65,000 settlement with the school district.
Stephen Murmer, who sells the paintings for up to $4,800 each, was dismissed in 2007 after school officials discovered a YouTube video of him demonstrating his technique while wearing a black thong and a Groucho Marx mask.

Man Found in Fishnet Stockings in Woman’s Closet Claims It Was All Just a Big Misunderstanding

2008-04-09T17:27:00.006-04:00

A man who was arrested after he entered a woman's apartment and hid in her closet while wearing a negligee, a miniskirt, crotchless fishnet stockings and a wig and carrying a meth pipe and a sexual lubricant has been found not guilty after he convinced a jury that it was all just a big misunderstanding.
Eric Kincaid, 29 (pictured at right), told the jury that a woman he barely knew invited him to have sex with her, and gave him the wrong address because she was staying with friends she didn't know well. Kincaid, who claims he frequently has sex with people he doesn't know, says he innocently entered the wrong apartment while dressed in a way he thought was sexually attractive.
Then, Kincaid explained, he hid in the closet because he was high on methamphetamine and felt like demons were watching him. It was all "a complete accident," his lawyer added, although he conceded that "it's not a case you see every day."
An Oregon jury believed Kincaid's story and found him not guilty of burglary, attempted sexual abuse and invasion of privacy.

Husband and Wife Arrested at Renewal of Wedding Vows

2008-04-09T12:58:00.005-04:00

A married couple and their 21-year-old daughter were all arrested at a ceremony to renew the couple's wedding vows in Port Chester, N.Y.
The bride apparently went berserk during an argument with a band at the reception and caused more than $1,500 worth of damage to lights, speakers and conga drums. She was still wearing a wedding gown when she was booked at the police station on felony charges of criminal mischief.
When the groom and daughter tried to stop the police from handcuffing the bride, police subdued them with a stun gun and then arrested them for interference with law enforcement.

Long Island Judge Issues Restraining Order to Duck

2008-04-04T13:06:00.006-04:00

A Long Island judge has issued a restraining order in favor of a duck, requiring Ylik Mathews, 21, to stay away from the aquatic creature.
Judge John Iliou issued the order in favor of "Circles," a duck who resides in Mastic, N.Y. (pictured at left), after Mathews allegedly jumped a backyard fence, charged at the animal and threatened it with a pellet gun.
This is the second time a restraining order has been issued in favor of an animal since former New York Governor George Pataki signed legislation in 2006 authorizing such measures. A judge in Queens issued the first order in favor of a 5-year-old bichon frise who was reportedly involved in a domestic dispute.

Woman Gets $300,000 After Being Hit by Truck Driven by Police Dog

2008-04-03T17:33:00.003-04:00

A woman in Ogden, Utah has reached a $300,000 settlement after she was hit by a truck driven by a police dog named Ranger.
The German Shepherd was lying in the bed of the police pickup, but managed to enter the cab and shift the automatic transmission, then pilot the vehicle into Mary Frances Stone, 43, who was getting her mail.
City Attorney Gary Williams called the incident "not foreseeable."
Stone said the money was inadequate. "If my car had hit a cop, I would be in jail," she noted.

Anti-Crime Center Stolen

2008-04-02T13:09:00.003-04:00

A youth center intended to combat crime by juvenile delinquents has been stolen...apparently by juvenile delinquents.
The prepacked building was delivered in boxes to the Austrian village of Traismauer, but the boxes were taken before they could be unpacked.
The youth center was designed to offer activities to local young people to keep them away from crime. However, police fear that these same young people preempted the village's plans by stealing the entire building.

Lingerie Thief Jailed Despite ‘Magical Futuristic Elf’ Defense

2008-04-01T17:03:00.003-04:00

A university lab technician who robbed a lingerie store was sentenced to two years in jail after a jury rejected his claim that he had committed the theft under the mistaken impression that he was a magical female elf from the future named Buho.
Robert Boyd, 45, stole two sets of bras, panties and stockings and garter belts from the high-end Orchid lingerie shop while dressed in a blonde Harpo Marx wig, glasses and a beanie hat. He claimed that he had been unable to tell the difference between real life and a fantasy role-playing game in which he had been involved.
But a jury voted 10-2 that Boyd knew exactly what he was doing, and a judge sentenced him despite his defense lawyer’s pleas that he had already suffered enough through public ridicule.

Cops Nab Serial Kitty-Litter Litterer

2008-03-31T12:57:00.003-04:00

A 63-year-old man has been arrested for tossing "hundreds upon hundreds of grocery bags full of dirty cat litter" along the streets of various towns in northeast Pennsylvania.
According to police, Donald J. Klens would use his own cat litter and take that of neighbors, tossing it out his car window over a two-year period while watching for police. He faces a possible $150,000 fine.
Police nabbed him after a two-month all-out effort in which officers in full camouflage hid in the woods and staked out spots in unmarked cars. They said Klens offered no explanation for his actions.

Husband Stabbed for Asking Wife What She Wanted for Dinner

2008-03-28T17:11:00.005-04:00

An Ontario woman has been arrested for stabbing her husband in the chest with a kitchen knife. The woman apparently became uncontrollably enraged when her husband asked her, "Do you want ham, potatoes and vegetables, or potatoes, vegetables and ham?"
Police Sgt. Dan Mafturack said it was not clear why the man's question triggered such a violent response. "It's not like he was offering her Kraft Dinner or baked beans or anything like that," Mafturack commented.

Couple Evicted Due to Possible Newts

2008-03-28T13:54:00.005-04:00

British highway officials have ordered a couple barred from their home so that they can spend months crawling through the house looking for three-inch newts.
Runoff from a highway caused a drainage ditch to overflow, flooding the £1 million Wiltshire home of Margie and John Histed. Afterward, not only would the agency not allow the couple to fix the ditch, but it evicted them until officials can comb every inch of it inspecting for the tiny but legally protected amphibians.
The inspection will take three months, but can’t begin for several months because of the possibility of disturbing newts while they are breeding. If any newts are found, it could take many more months to relocate them.
Recently, the government put a £15 million highway bypass in Leicestershire on hold and spent £1.7 million in order to relocate one single newt.

Community Service Ordered for Wombat Rape Claim

2008-03-27T13:01:00.003-04:00

A 48-year-old orchard worker has been ordered to perform 75 hours of community service for wasting the police's time by making an emergency call to report that he was being raped by a wombat.
Arthur Ross Cradock then called police a second time and stated, "I'll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he's pulled out."
Cradock added that he was unhurt by the alleged incident, apart from the fact that he had begun speaking in Australian.
Judge Richard Russell, who imposed the sentence for misuse of emergency services, said he was uncertain what motivated Cradock to make those statements. However, prosecutor Chris Stringer told the court that "alcohol had played a big part in Cradock's life."

Arsonist Claims Constitutional Right to Work for Fire Department

2008-03-26T12:36:00.003-04:00

A woman who disconnected the smoke detectors in a relative's house and then deliberately set it on fire is claiming that it would violate her constitutional rights not to allow her to continue working as a firefighter.
In her appeal, Mary Wolski claims that the Erie, Pa. fire department's decision to terminate her just because of the arson incident not only was unconstitutional but also "lacks substantial evidence" and was "capricious, arbitrary, unreasonable and void."

City Council Punishes Lawbreakers by Dumping Huge Shipping Containers in Their Yard

2008-03-24T17:41:00.003-04:00

A city council in Australia was unable to determine which homeowner illegally chopped down 20 trees to improve a view of the water, so it responded by dumping two enormous shipping containers where the trees were in order to spoil everyone’s view.
"It's like if you can't find the perpetrator in school, so everybody is held back for detention," explained Port Stephens council facilities manager Mike Trigar.
But local residents are outraged, and call the containers "a monument to stupidity."
"They've spent over $10,000 on this, when they could have just replanted the trees for a few hundred dollars," complained homeowner Carol Kearins.
Besides, Kearins says, "They have no proof that a resident cut those trees. It could have been drunken idiots from somewhere else."

Bear Liable for $3,500 for Stealing Honey

2008-03-24T17:25:00.008-04:00

A court in Macedonia has held a bear liable for $3,545 for stealing honey from a beekeeper.
The beekeeper has successfully kept the bear at bay for several weeks by blaring songs by the Serbian "turbo-folk" star Ceca, but the bear returned after a generator ran out of power and the music stopped.
The beekeeper then began a year-long lawsuit. After ruling the bear liable for theft, the court ordered the government to pay the damages because the bear belongs to a "protected" species.

What If They Hold an Election and No One Votes?

2008-03-21T14:23:00.001-04:00

Election law officials are scratching their heads trying to figure out the legal result of a Florida referendum in which absolutely no one voted.
The ballot question was to decide whether the town of Tamarac, near Fort Lauderdale, could annex a nearby area that includes a variety of rental and industrial properties. A total of 68 people live in the area, but not one showed up to vote.
Workers manned a polling site at an assisted-living facility for 12 hours, at a cost of about $2,500, but nobody appeared, leaving legal authorities confused as to how to interpret the results.
“I’m just shocked,” said Rep. Jack Seiler, who pushed a bill through the state legislature authorizing the referendum.
But potential voter Juan Vidal, 23, presumably spoke for all his fellow citizens when he told reporters that the annexation issue “doesn’t make any difference to me either way.”

Dog Owners Protest Public Sex Regulations

2008-03-21T12:37:00.005-04:00

The Amsterdam city council is facing questions after it voted to allow public sex in one of the city’s most famous parks, but required dog owners to keep their pets on a leash.
Many dog owners are outraged that exhibitionist couples are allowed to romp freely in the Vondelpark, which attracts 10 million visitors a year, but their pooches are not.
But a council spokesman explained that, “When the dogs are not kept on a leash they pee on whatever they see and they cause a lot of nuisance for other visitors.”
On the other hand, public sex “isn’t a nuisance for the other visitors and gives a lot of pleasure to a certain group of people," explained Alderman Paul Van Grieken.
"There still are rules," he added. For instance, couples having sex “must take their garbage with them afterwards."

Woman Gets Three Years in Jail for Trying to Steal Urine

2008-03-20T12:51:00.022-04:00

A California woman has been sentenced to three years in jail for unsuccessfully trying to steal urine from a DHL delivery van.
Krystal Evans, 26, of Crescent City, Calif. received the sentence after a robbery attempt that the county district attorney described as "somewhat inept."

Man Claims His Job Was Torture…Literally

2008-03-19T18:03:00.001-04:00

A Utah company is being sued for allowing a supervisor to “waterboard” an employee as part of a morale-building exercise.
Salesman Chad Hudgens, 26, claims he was subjected to the controversial CIA torture technique by boss Joshua Christopherson as part of a group “camaraderie” event at a motivational coaching business.
“Christopherson told the team that he wanted them to work as hard on making sales as
Chad had worked to breathe while he was being waterboarded,” the suit alleges.
Christopherson also drew mustaches on employees’ faces, took away their chairs and beat on their desks with a wooden paddle, Hudgens claims.
But company president Dave Ellis insists the charges are “sensationalized.” He says Christopherson is “a really nice, pleasant, polite young man,” that Hudgens volunteered for the waterboarding, that other employees were “involved and enthusiastic” about the torture demonstration, and that beating on desks with a paddle is “humorous” and “fun.”
The company’s website claims, “We strive to make the road to personal achievement meaningful, rewarding, and enjoyable.”

Minnesota Homeland Security Office Is Not Secure

2008-03-18T13:05:00.001-04:00

The St. Paul office of the federal agency charged with protecting America against top-level security threats left a door unlocked, allowing a homeless man to break in and defecate on a variety of emergency management facilities, according to a Minnesota Department of Public Safety spokeswoman.

30-Foot Catapult Full of Chicken Poop Raises Legal Issues

2008-03-17T18:04:00.001-04:00

British police are investigating whether the owner of a portable flooring empire is breaking the law by threatening to attack trespassers with a 30-foot-tall Roman catapult filled with chicken manure.
Joe Weston-Webb, owner of Grumpy Joe’s Flooring, claims rival companies have tried to burn his property down out of jealousy that he won a contract to provide flooring for the BBC show "Strictly Come Dancing." He has protected his land with security fencing, motion-sensor lights and TV cameras, but police are concerned about the catapult as well as a cannon that shoots railroad ties at intruders.
Weston-Webb previously used the cannon to shoot his wife Mary across the Avon River when the pair belonged to a daredevil troupe. But "she’s 54 now and far too big to fit into the cannon in any case," he told reporters.
Police in the River Soar valley in Nottinghamshire – known locally as Soar Bottom – say they would prefer that Grumpy Joe’s relied on "conventional security techniques." But for now, the property still has a sign that reads: "Warning: These premises are protected by smart-poo and railway projectiles."

Man Charged With Making 30,000 Fake 911 Calls

2008-03-16T17:09:00.001-04:00

A Hayward, Calif. man has been arrested for calling 911 more than 30,000 times over an eight-month period.
John Triplette, 45, would make emergency calls on his cell phone and then respond to dispatchers’ queries with grunting sounds and “bodily noises,” or would push random buttons “just to be annoying,” police said.
During one seven-day stretch, Triplette averaged more than 189 calls a day. “He completely overwhelmed our system,” said Hayward Communications Center Manager Desi Calzada.
Aided by the FCC, police were finally able to trace his cell phone. When asked why he called 911 so often, Triplette replied, “because it’s free.”

Virginia Lawmakers Vote on Site of Toilet Race

2008-03-15T17:58:00.002-04:00

The Virginia legislature has passed a bill recognizing the town of Independence as the official home of the state’s annual toilet race.
Since 1994, the “Grand Privy Race” has featured contestants riding bathroom fixtures on wheels around the town’s main streets, along with “plenty of delicious food” and “a parade featuring the winner of the ‘Potty Princess Pageant,’” according to the legislation.
Declaring the locale the official home of the commode competition will be “a tremendous asset to the town” as well as the surrounding county, lawmakers declared.
The measure was okayed by the House Rules Committee on a surprisingly close 9-5 vote, but then sailed through the full House by a margin of 88-7. The Senate adopted it on a voice vote and urged the members of the town council to “disseminate copies of [the legislation] to their respective constituents.”

Man Claims He Was Driven to Killing Eight People by John Denver Karaoke

2008-03-07T16:58:00.000-05:00

Mississippi Legislature Considers Prohibiting Restaurants From Serving Fat People

2008-03-02T17:56:00.000-05:00

Husband Sues Wife for Nagging Him So Much He Became Impotent

2008-03-02T17:55:00.000-05:00